Listening Ears

While driving my daughter to the sitter's today I got lost in a conversation she and I were having...literally I got lost. I was caught up in thought and dialog that I missed my turn and didn't realize it until three lights later. Well, once back on track (and a few deep breaths later) we continued our conversation.

 It started like this; "Mommie, you never spend that much time with me!" Well, I immediately went into defense mode. I gave my 4 year old a run down of our time together. We eat breakfast everyday together, we drive to school three days a week and to the sitters two days, we go to church together two days a week, we eat supper together 7 days a week, we read together and so on and so on I went. My daughter stayed quiet for a moment and replied, "I mean we don't spend time together."

I realized at that moment that I did not have on my listening ears. You may have heard about listening ears or you may even use some form of the phrase, "do you have your listening ears on?" I know this is something I say often. I even break down the parts of a good listener.  A good listener: has a quiet mouth, uses eye contact, puts on listening ears, and uses an open mind (in toddler terms, really hears what I am saying). I was giving my daughter none of the things I ask of her. She was trying to tell me  how she was feeling and I was not listening. I was defending and trying to tell her how she was wrong; trying to (unintentionally) take away the right to her own feelings.

The second time she made the comment I responded in a more appropriate way..."How can I change that? How can we spend more time together?" Her answer, "play games with me, can we have a game night?" A game night is something that we can do and should do! I need her to know that spending time with someone is not just driving to and from school/work, not just going places together or being around each other. Spending quality time is talking and engaging in activities that interest one another.

 I realized my little one was trying to let me know, in an appropriate way, she needed something I wasn't giving. So, this Saturday we shall have family game night. We will play a few board games and maybe even play the Wii. I want to give my children what they need and sometimes filling those needs begins with putting on my "listening ears"!